"Nature versus Nurture" or "Reparenting My Brother"

If you asked me 15 years ago, having just earned a biology degree, whether nature or nurture mattered more, I would've emphatically responded nurture.  DNA codes for eye color and height and heart disease, but our behavior is certainly a result of our upbringing and life choices.
Today, I have a different answer. As a parent, watching my children show behavioral traits of their uncless--people they see a few days a year, I am confident that nature holds the trump card. As a parent, i hope to hold some sway--to be able to guide and shape these little people into quality citizens. As time passes, I doubt my influence. Today, I'm on the precipice of becoming a fatalist. Perhaps every action we ever make was predetermined by our genetic code.
I learned to believe in nature from watching Jackson's slight head cock; hearing him talk and talk and talk; and being contradicted by my son after every statement I make. I'm sure he has a lot of Dodge traits, but those are hard for me to identify. So I see Wesley, Jacob, and Frank.
Then Jonah was born--a pale, redheaded duplication of my brothers. At first I wasn't sure which one. My memories tell me it's Ellis, but that must be the greater age difference because photos show a better match to Morgan. Once he started to crawl and climb and get into things, I knew. My child is my brother, Morgan, reincarnated during his lifetime. I am reparenting my own brother. It's clear from the mischievous twinkle in Jonah ' s eyes, from the way he expresses his eyebrows--one at a time, and his drive to turn every situation into hilarity--when Jonah seeks out funny, there is no stopping him.
For those reasons, I believe in nature. I offer 2 stories that are suggesting fate:

When Morgan was almost 3, a girl was murdered in our neighborhood. It was tragic and traumatic for children and adults. We were lectured ever after about stranger danger and how to keep ourselves safe. That summer, Morgan came up with his defense. He said that "if a kidnapper ever grabs me, I'll just pull out my 'kidnapper trick', shove it into his face, and the kidnapper will let me go and I'll run away." He demonstrated by reaching into his pants and pulling out a wad of dirty/used toilet paper and waving it in everyone's face.
Last summer, Jonah told me "If a bad guy ever gets me, I'll shove a used pullup in his face." Thankfully, Jonah doesn't know about child abductions, and he wasn't wiping himself yet.

Jonah has started fibbing to avoid getting in trouble. His answer to the question "who did ______" is now always "ghosts did it." I've had the conversation a dozen times with him now. It's always "ghosts." Was it you, Jonah? "Ghosts" I think it was you. "No! Ghosts did that."
When Morgan was little, between the ages 3 and 8, every mishap was done by Freddy Krueger.  My little brother's imaginary friend/scapegoat was Freddy Krueger.  I'm pretty sure that if Jonah knew that name, he'd be using it.

I love and miss Morgan. He is full of fun, his conversations are engaging and lively (even when he purposefully picks an antagonistic side of an argument--say global warming.) Morgan was a delightful child. He was sweet, spirited, and found the fun in everything. It makes me happy to have Jonah surprise me with wonderful memories of my childhood and brother. Two souls connected through space and time by one double helix.

Big Girl Bed!

I should have converted her bed 2 months ago, the second the boys taught her to climb on top of the dresser part. 

••••DANGER••••DANGER••••

The three of them have had a wonderful time climbing, and jumping, and playing on the bed. But in the morning, Evie silently climbs up and lays on the dresser. There was a terribly crash today (not the first). Time to end it before she gets hurt.

Besides, look how proud she is.

I don't like this growing up stuff one bit.

(OK, maybe a little.)

Jonah, age 3

Tonight, the kids were exhausted from swimming all afternoon. Jonah and Evie went to bed very early. At 10:00, Jason and I were watching a movie. Evie got up...twice..and so Jason had brought her downstairs where she was being adorable. Fifteen minutes later, we heard little feet running down the hallway above us. Jason said it was just Jack running to the bathroom. It wasn't, and Jason told me it was my turn to go up, so I did...reluctantly.
Jonah was standing at the top of the stairs, tears streaming down his cheeks. He whispered, "Ah was lookeen fo ya" and gave me the most forlorn look I've ever seen. My heart broke open as I ran up the stairs, scooped him up, kissed his head, and tucked him back under his covers. I stayed there, next to him, petting his firey hair.
He hasn't quite fallen asleep yet, so I'm still next to him, my heart still bleeding a little from this reminder of how much he loves me, and how worried he was that I was gone.
Jonah is the kind of little boy who lives just in the moment; not in the past or future, not a day or hour or even 5 minutes away from the moment. His whole world is in the now. So when he didn't find me, he believed I was gone. I could see all the pain of loss on his tiny three year old face. It was terrible, but also wonderful, because it reminded me just how much I need this little boy. When you're the parent of a boy this challenging, it's important to be reminded sometimes.
A little boy who lives in the moment needs constant attention and entertaining. If he finds himself in a moment that isn't full enough, he fills it up. Once he gets started filling up a moment, he wants to fill the next moment, and the one after that. It's like a chain reaction.
I don't want to shock you, but when he fills up a moment, he wants to fill it with something funny and he finds destruction to be VERY funny. So if Jonah has a boring moment (which happens, regularly) it sets off a chain reacting wave of destruction with broken objects, terrorized dogs and siblings, dumped out containers, and noise. Through the exhaustion of cleaning up so much mayhem, I need a reminder now and then of how much I love my mischief maker.
I also worry about his teen years, the time of life that all boys struggle to make good decisions. Parents everywhere try to instill their children with a) fear of God and b) fear of My Mom Will Kick My Ass If I Do That!
It will be hard for this boy who lives in the moment to remember and put any emphasis on either a) or b). I hope and pray that he makes it through those teen years without doing any real harm to himself. I'm sure that while we're going through it I'll need reminders of how much I love him.

Science with Jackson

"Mom, where do animal babies come from?" "The same place as human babies." "Well, I know where ant babies come from. They poop out the eggs! Is that true, mom?" "yep, Jackson. The ants use the same hole to lay eggs as they use to poop. But only Queen ants lay eggs. The rest just lay poop." "Does that fertilize the eggs?"

Teachers

"Mommy, do you remember my old teachers' names? Mrs. Dakakiss and Mrs. Dakahug" That's Mrs Savidakis and Mrs Desautel. Pin It