"Nature versus Nurture" or "Reparenting My Brother"

If you asked me 15 years ago, having just earned a biology degree, whether nature or nurture mattered more, I would've emphatically responded nurture.  DNA codes for eye color and height and heart disease, but our behavior is certainly a result of our upbringing and life choices.
Today, I have a different answer. As a parent, watching my children show behavioral traits of their uncless--people they see a few days a year, I am confident that nature holds the trump card. As a parent, i hope to hold some sway--to be able to guide and shape these little people into quality citizens. As time passes, I doubt my influence. Today, I'm on the precipice of becoming a fatalist. Perhaps every action we ever make was predetermined by our genetic code.
I learned to believe in nature from watching Jackson's slight head cock; hearing him talk and talk and talk; and being contradicted by my son after every statement I make. I'm sure he has a lot of Dodge traits, but those are hard for me to identify. So I see Wesley, Jacob, and Frank.
Then Jonah was born--a pale, redheaded duplication of my brothers. At first I wasn't sure which one. My memories tell me it's Ellis, but that must be the greater age difference because photos show a better match to Morgan. Once he started to crawl and climb and get into things, I knew. My child is my brother, Morgan, reincarnated during his lifetime. I am reparenting my own brother. It's clear from the mischievous twinkle in Jonah ' s eyes, from the way he expresses his eyebrows--one at a time, and his drive to turn every situation into hilarity--when Jonah seeks out funny, there is no stopping him.
For those reasons, I believe in nature. I offer 2 stories that are suggesting fate:

When Morgan was almost 3, a girl was murdered in our neighborhood. It was tragic and traumatic for children and adults. We were lectured ever after about stranger danger and how to keep ourselves safe. That summer, Morgan came up with his defense. He said that "if a kidnapper ever grabs me, I'll just pull out my 'kidnapper trick', shove it into his face, and the kidnapper will let me go and I'll run away." He demonstrated by reaching into his pants and pulling out a wad of dirty/used toilet paper and waving it in everyone's face.
Last summer, Jonah told me "If a bad guy ever gets me, I'll shove a used pullup in his face." Thankfully, Jonah doesn't know about child abductions, and he wasn't wiping himself yet.

Jonah has started fibbing to avoid getting in trouble. His answer to the question "who did ______" is now always "ghosts did it." I've had the conversation a dozen times with him now. It's always "ghosts." Was it you, Jonah? "Ghosts" I think it was you. "No! Ghosts did that."
When Morgan was little, between the ages 3 and 8, every mishap was done by Freddy Krueger.  My little brother's imaginary friend/scapegoat was Freddy Krueger.  I'm pretty sure that if Jonah knew that name, he'd be using it.

I love and miss Morgan. He is full of fun, his conversations are engaging and lively (even when he purposefully picks an antagonistic side of an argument--say global warming.) Morgan was a delightful child. He was sweet, spirited, and found the fun in everything. It makes me happy to have Jonah surprise me with wonderful memories of my childhood and brother. Two souls connected through space and time by one double helix.

Welcome Evelyn Rose

Introducing our baby girl, Evelyn Rose Dodge.  Born January 3, 2012, 3:23 pm -- 8 lbs, 7 oz -- 21 inches

"Evelyn" a grown up name with the sweet nickname "Evie", and "Rose" a family name from both Jason and my family.  Rose Winski was Jason's grandmother who was well loved by all in his family.  Rose Fox was my great aunt, the favorite of my mother and her sisters (who would have liked to pass her name on, but were unable to because they didn't have enough daughters or it clashed with the last name or whatever reason).  I remember visiting her home when I was very young and playing with her toys, but she passed away when I was only 5, so my own memory of her is very thin and fragmented.

So far, Evelyn has been a very content child who sleeps much of the day and much of the night.  During the in between times (7-11 am and 5-10 pm) she eats frequently and between eating is happy to snuggle in her parents' arms or to settle onto her bed or swing.  This is a very helpful quality in a child who has 2 brothers who need to eat or be dressed or snuggled during those same times, and patience is a quality that will still be useful when she's grown.

Evie has her daddy's dark hair, right now fuzzy and unruly, but sure to be tamed as it lengthens.  She has her mother's blue-grey eyes.  Maybe they'll change into the sky blue eyes of both her grandfathers or even the hazel eyes of her father, but for now they are momma's eyes.  Evelyn's fingers and toes are oh so long and slender.  They are neither her mother's hands nor her father's.  I think they might've come from her Nana and her Nana's mother.  I've been joking that she has giant kangaroo feet, and they are so long that her knit newborn baby booties had to be stretched onto her feet.  Today she most resembles her daddy and her brother Jackson, but that could change as well.

Speaking of big brothers, they adore her.  Jackson is anxious to teach her about the world.  He brings her objects to show her how they work or play.  He thinks she is the cutest baby ever to live, and so he calls her "Cute" instead of "Evie".  Jonah loves rubbing her fuzzy head, always rubbing her fuzzy head.  He's only now starting to develop some of the toddler jealousy, but not enough to over ride his urge to rub her fuzzy head.

Thanks to everyone who has wished us well.  We are overjoyed to have Evelyn join our family.

documenting life in motion

Here are some videos from the last couple of months.  We had some after dinner silliness on the last barbecue-able day of the year (or so we thought at the time).



Here is some dancing from Jackson.  Just the first 30 seconds are watchable.  The last minute involves trying to get the skeleton to glow in the dark. I think this is a different night than the previous video.




Jonah crawling.  This is about a month ago, when he only used his left leg.  You can tell by the grunting that it took considerable effort to propel himself.  Now he's moved on to using both feet.  His range tripled, and the grunting has passed.



Jonah taking a bath last week.  He splashes the daylights out of the tub, but on this night could not splash without holding the crab in his teeth.  By the way, I LOOOVE this tub.  It has always kept him upright and no slips.  I put him in it dry every morning when I get ready for school.



















And one more, from tonight..

Glen Jackson Fox: Part 1

For those who haven't heard, my grandfather passed away last Wednesday, July 7th, 2010, after a lengthy illness. It's been a difficult time for all of the family, and I won't be able to attend the funeral he's requested us to forgo. I've decided to write a multi-part series about him and our relationship. It's mostly for myself and my family, but I imagine the experience between a young woman of my generation and an old man of his is much the same thing for other families, and perhaps everyone else will like the stories too.

Background facts as they were recorded in my 3rd grade genealogy workbook (my relatives are free to correct any errors or omissions): Glen Jackson Fox was born November 17, 1932 at his Aunt Rose's home. His parents were Owen Fox and Elva Jackson Fox. He learned to swim by being thrown in the Ogden River. He didn't complete his formal education, and was married to my grandmother, Arabella “Arabell” Campbell on August 28, 1950. They were married in Elko, Nevada, in what I have always assumed was an elopement. My grandfather worked for the Union Pacific Railroad from the time he was 17 until his retirement. He also had other jobs including working as a carpenter “He worked for Big D back when it was just me and Big D” he told me once. (Big D is a major construction presence in Utah.) My grandparents had four daughters and a son: Christine (my mom), Susan, Linda, Lori, and Frank. They purchased a home in a new development 3309 Adams Avenue in Ogden where my grandmother still lives. They divorced when my mother was 16 and Frank was 2. Shortly after that, he married Mildred “Mickey” and they lived in a condo at 4539 S 1800 W in Roy, Utah until his death.

My grandpa always lived life to the fullest. At some point when my mom was a teenager, he had a speedboat and would take them water skiing. He also took them snow skiing. He once had an airplane, which he crashed on his last flight after selling it. He traveled frequently, summering in Utah and wintering in Yuma, Arizona after his retirement. He took trips to visit family around the country including his sister, Jean in California, Frank in North Carolina, me in Connecticut, and also trips overseas to Paris and Ireland.

When I was very young, we visited my grandfather on Father's Day, his birthday, Christmas Eve, and a few times during the summer to swim. At these visits, the family hung out mostly in the basement family room. My grandfather sat in his chair smoking long brown cigarettes, and the kids paid little attention to him. There were great toys in the basement: a sit and spin, one of those wheels on a stick for doing stomach exercises (we used to hold onto it and wheel around the room like one of those flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz); carpeted stairs that we slid down in a game called "bumpity bump"; there was a nutcracker with a mallet and a big wooden box shaped like an almond that held decks of cards (solitaire, war, or go fish were played on every visit); and they had a ping pong table that was replaced with a pool table when I was around 10. After the arrival of the pool table, we spent more time shooting pool and less time playing cards. In the summer we would visit to use the pool at the condo. I don't remember whether my grandpa came to the pool with us or not. Sometimes Mickey came along and sometimes we would just stop at the house to get the key to the pool and go swimming with just my mom or my aunts and uncles. I usually wore water wings and mostly hung out in what might have been a hot tub, but I always considered it a kiddie pool because it was shallow with a step running along all four walls. It was also much warmer than the main pool. The summer before second grade, my uncle taught me to do backflips from the side of the pool. It was a great trick and I enjoyed it for a few months, until I learned fear. (I under rotated my flip one trip to Ben Lomond Pool with friends and hit my head on the edge of the pool. The one legged life guard pulled me out of the water, then hopped me all the way around the pool to the office where he put some bandages on my head. My mom took me to the hospital for stitches—I received 8 so the scar on my forehead would be minimal. The hospital staff gave me some balloons for being so brave and forbade me to swim for a week, a real drag since I left for vacation in California the next day.)

One Christmas Eve, my grandpa gave my brother and I electronic fireman hats, complete with sirens. These were one of the coolest toys I ever remember receiving. Someone, Grandpa I guess, asked Michael “Are you going to be a Lover or a Fireman when you grow up?”. We wore the hats on the drive home in the station wagon, and I never saw them again. (I can't really blame my parents for that, I want to disappear lots of Jackson's toys.)

At some point in my childhood, my grandfather gave up smoking. He said nothing about it, and my mom and aunts whispered that there must've been a medical reason but no one knew what it was. He seemed to just go cold turkey--smoking at his birthday, but not that Christmas Eve. Mickey told me much later that he had been to see either an accupuncturist or a hypnotist to stop. Around that time, there was also a fight between my father and grandfather at the Christmas Eve party. I don't know what they argued about, but we left in a big hurry. I remember loading up into the station wagon in the dark. I think we visited less often after that, but we still made it out for the 3 holidays.

My parents separated the summer after my 16th birthday. As we settled into our new routines, my mom told me that I needed to go and visit my grandpa. She said that if I visited him, he would take care of me. So I visited, he took care of me, and that's how we began to have more of a relationship. My grandpa who wasn't much for sharing his feelings said a few times something to the effect that he was making up for the kind of relationship I had with my father and the relationship he'd had with my mother when she was younger. After that, he started calling me “Daughter” more often than he called me “Granddaughter”.

Introducing Jonah Dale Dodge

 

It's [finally] time to welcome Jonah Dale Dodge to the world.  Born Monday, April 5, 2010 at 8:56 pm: 7lb 15oz and 19 3/4 inches long.  He looks very much like baby Jackson, but with a twist of Daddy this time instead of Mom.  Jonah has blue eyes and a surprising cap of silky dark brown hair. 

We were, of course, thrilled from the first moment.  And so far, things are just getting better.  Jonah is not following in the footsteps of his big brother on many accounts.  First, Note the size--less than 8 lbs (vs the 9lb 6oz of baby Jackson).  Jonah caught on to the art of breastfeeding right away.  He followed that trick up with the ability to sleep, in his own space, and on his back!   Like his brother, he is a breathtakingly beautiful child with a matching disposition.

How is big brother Jackson doing?  Pretty well.  He is doing a good job of checking on Jonah, helping to get things for him, and shushing us to be quiet when Jonah is sleeping.  Jackson is also very nervous about the baby.  He doesn't want to sit by him, and I've only seen him touch him twice.  Definitely no hugs or kisses yet.  Jackson is also alarmed by the crying, he will ask why he cries, and if it goes on for more than a few seconds he retreats to another room.

Here I am just before heading out to the hospital. 

 

Look at that yawn! 

That's it for the picture posts.  For those of you who are detail hungry, I'll get to the birth story soon.  

Dale Deloy Dodge -- In Memorium

Jason's grandfather passed away Thursday January 15th. He was 79 years old and just shy of his 60 year anniversary to his wife, Catherine Mae "Pat" Dodge.


We spent a few days with Jason's family remembering Jason's grandfather, and for me, learning about his life, which was well lived. He was born in 1929 and raised in Ogden, Utah. His mother passed away when he was 11, and he spent time in foster care and living with other relatives. At 15 1/2, he enlisted in the marines (at a time when they didn't verify your age, possibly because of the great need for young men to fight the war). When he returned home, he enrolled at Weber State College and earned a 2 year degree to become an iron worker. He traveled throughout Utah working on various construction projects. He took the family with him on many of these jobs, and they lived in such places as Vernal and Tremonton, eventually settling back in Ogden. Jason's grandmother stayed in their Ogden home to raise her three children while Dale continued to travel for work and for adventure.

In way of adventure, Dale enjoyed riding rodeo--Aren't these great photos!? (presuming I've worked out technical difficulties, if not, they'll show up here eventually) Dale competed in rodeos around the intermountain area. He was also an amateur boxer.

As an iron worker, he continued to travel the state. The family wasn't wealthy, and Dale often found accommodations on park benches or other less inviting places. With the help of his sons, Dale installed the steeple on the Ogden Temple--he signed the interior.

Dale also found time to support the cause of the laborer. Some photos turned up of Dale protesting agricultural conditions with Caesar Chavez. (This is really great stuff that no one has talked about before.)

In 1991, Dale suffered a stroke which left him mostly paralyzed and without speech. At the time, the doctors didn't think he would survive. His family says he was too tough and mean for death to take him at that time. Despite his disability and the pain he suffered, he remained cheerful (possibly more so than before). Every visit with Dale included a "hand shake" during which he would attempt (and succeed) to squeeze the life out of your fingers. After 17 years and a series of illnesses, Dale finally succumbed. He will be missed.

Splash!

I haven't seen any in Connecticut, but splash parks are all the rage in Utah now. Kids love 'em. For the cities--I guess they get some of the benefits of a pool on the cheap and with negligible drowning risks.
Nana and I took Jackson. I guess the water was on low that day, but it was perfect for the babe. He had a fantastic time.

This girl squirted Jack over and over with the sprayer. No complaints.

Someone Jack's size to look at.

There was a lull in the spraying, but the puddles remained.

Jack enjoyed going down

And up the slide.

And oh--Happy Birthday Nana!

Ah-Ah-Choo

Jack's been working on his sound effects. He entertained Nana and Grampa Grant all morning with this one.





Notice all the plastic spoons? Don't worry family, my mom swore she'd wash them before the next barbecue.



Here's a bonus raspberry. Enjoy it!

O-Town

Hiyah. So sorry for the dry spell here. Those of you checking up on the Coy's know that its been 2 months since I posted anything. The blogcounter just let me know that I've reached a new milestone in the count. I'm sure those figures will have dropped off due to discouragement from lack of posts. What can I say--we were busy, then we were on VACATION, and now we are busy again.

This was Jackson's 2nd trip to Utah to meet his family, and his parents old friends, and this time get a little sun. He also got his first four freckles. I feel a bit guilty on this one. After all, its my responsibility to keep him so covered in zinc oxide based sunscreen that he looks like a mime. I really thought I'd done diligence on this one. On the other hand, his little freckles are really adorable-and this is the only time I'll be able to count them on one hand (knowing his daddy, its the only time I'll be able to count them). I had been under the impression that freckles first dapple the nose, then spread. Guess not. Jack has one on his right temple, his right wrist, his right thigh, and his left knee. They're soo cute!

I really have a lot to say about our trip, but for now a big thanks to our parents for feeding, housing, and entertaining us (and to PJ for graciously sleeping on the couch). Jackson had a great time emptying kitchen cupboards, playing with his uncles and cousins, swimming, and throwing rocks in my mom's pond. I packed him around so much that he actually got sick of being in the sling (that sentiment wore off the second we got home). There are tons of pictures to share, some even feature someone other than Jack! Here are a few teasers. I promise to continue the dialogue soon.

Visiting the Mother Land

Waiting to Go!

November 13th, we set off for a quick trip to visit our families in Utah and show off--I mean introduce our baby to his family. We left on a 5pm flight, had a short stop in Chicago, and reached SLC at midnight. As luck would have it, evening is a great time to travel with a baby. Maybe because of all of the excitement, Jackson didn't eat much or sleep in the afternoon. At the airport, he was delightful. There was a grandmother sitting across from us that Jackson was flirting with shamelessly. After a while, Jason handed Jackson off, and she kept him for a 45 minutes. He attracted the attention of a few other grandmothers, who seemed a bit envious. On the plane, Jackson wanted to eat right away. I tried to get him to wait for takeoff, but we had to wait in line, so we couldn't wait. Jackson went right from eating to sleeping and slept or ate for the rest of the journey. This was great, but it was challenging for me since I was paralyzed with a child on my chest and couldn't reach anything or turn pages to read.

Breakfast with Lily

Wednesday morning, Jackson slept to a respectable 6am MST. I took him upstairs to look for someplace to go without waking anyone else up. The only room without people had the fishtanks, so Jackson amused himself staring at the Koi who were in for the winter. We also managed to wake up the bird, and Sherman took the blame for waking the rest of the Dodge household. We went for breakfast with the Dodges, including Jason's brother Tim, his wife Katie, and their 2 young girls, Lily (3) and Riley (1). Turns out Lily REALLY loves babies. She was so excited to play with him and wanted to be face to face all the time. Katie chastised her several times for being "up in his grill". That afternoon, we went for family pictures. It was a beautiful afternoon, a little chilly, though. We took pictures with various family groupings. The photographer took shot after shot trying to get the little girls to look at the camera and smile. Jackson was easy. He is all about pictures. He's grinning and has his excited arms outstretched in every shot. I think the click of the camera excited him to cheese for the next shot. Later that evening, we went out for Mexican food (Connecticut doesn't have Mexican food--like the cinnamon bears). Dinner was good, but poor Jackson broke down as soon as we arrived. 5:30 MST a week after Daylight Savings Time ends and across 2 time zones is 8:30 in his little baby world. That's past his bedtime. His internal clock expired at 5pm every evening for the whole trip.

Silly Duck Hat

Chillin' with Nana

Thursday, we went with my Mom and Grant to the Museum of Ancient Life at Thanksgiving Point. The drive down to Lehi was an eye opener for how things are developing along the Wasatch Front. Desolate Lehi, where 150 years of trying had yielded few attempts to settle and grow something besides sagebrush, was crowded with large houses and lawns. The freeway was again under construction, this time to build overpasses to the future wetlands depleting Legacy Highway. The one positive development is the commuter rail which parallells I-15. It's actually started test runs between Davis and SLC. The museum was surprisingly well done, with a big collection of fossils and fossil castings. It chronicled time through the display of large and imposing beasts. Capturing the impressive and ignoring the potentially controversial (such as the big bang). Jackson had a great time at the museum. He enjoyed backpacked around, looking at the towering skeletons, and taking a lengthy nap while I walked hunched like an early hominid (who I oddly didn't see a history of on display). On the way home, we had mole for dinner at The Blue Iguana. So delicious.

Sitting on Grandpa Fox's Lap

Friday, we got up for breakfast of French Toast, fruit, and corned beef hash with the Dodges, then had lunch with some more of my family: My Grandfather and Mickey, my baby brother, Ellis, my second to baby brother, Wes, and his fiance Lessie, my mother and Grant, and my aunt Sue. We then went to my Grandpa's for while. Wow, he keeps a warm house! The warmth and big meals put Jason to sleep, but the rest of us had a nice visit.

First Pony Ride

Meeting Granpa Dale and Grandma Honey

On Saturday, the Dodge's planned Thansgiving as a family. Jackson was able to meet his Great Grandma Honey and Great Grandpa Dale. Jackson also got to go for his 1st pony ride. He wasn't very excited about it.

Our 4 Generations Picture (With Wes and Lessie in the background)

Sunday was a day full of my family. We went out to meet Jackson Great Grandpa Swenson. Ellis, Wes, and Lessie came along. Jackson was a delight and we had a nice visit there. Then we went back to my mom's for another family party. My Grandma, Sue and Racheal (Wendy was working), Lori, Scott, Kelsey, Kailey, and Jake (in 3-D this time), even Morgan joined us. We were, sadly, missing The Fox-Pattersons due to illness--and hope Cait is getting better.